I know I am one of the biggest hippocrate (can't spell) when it comes to apperance. I tell all my friends "who care what you look like, as long as your happy with it" But I sit for hours looking my mirror and I hate everything about me. I call myself fat, ugly, I tell myself I should never go outside again because of how ugly I am and I cry. I don't know why I do it, or if I could stop. I bet if my mother read this she would cry. I would if my only daughter hated herself as much as I hate me.
I buy beauty products, facal scrubs and tons of make up to try to make it all better, but really all it does is hide it and then make it worse in the end..

I went shopping with my mom today to buy pants (because I grow like a freacking weed) and well I was looking in the mirror of the change rooms I just wanted to slit my own throat. I could see my whole body and what I looked like. I saw what everyone around me saw every day and I wanted to kill it. Chop it up into tiny lil peices and feed it to the birds(gross I know. You try thinking that when you look at yourself in the mirror) I thought maybe I could diet, work out.. but I never stick to anything. It's impossible for me to do anything anymore and it bugs me soo much. I can't finish a story, a book. Or a bloody relationship; I blame my mother. She doesn't finish anything at all and I get it off of her. My father to. That lazy jerk needs to get out of here!

I was talking to my art teacher about this. He's my best friend. I go to him for anything! He said I see different from everyone else. It's what happeneds to everyone. You look at me and see a skinny out going girl with an "amazing smile" But when I look in the mirror I see a ugly, shy, crucked teeth, fat hips, HUGE forhead.. the list goes on. But how do I know this?? How does anyone know this?

Anyways I didn't get any pants because I felt ugly in everything I tried on. Soo.. what do you do when you live in a shoe, right?

*shrugs* I don't know what that was or if it makes any sence but I had to get it out, and if some reads this.. or no one reads this. I'm just happy I got it down somewhere! I'm going to work on math so that fucking jerk Boyko and go shove it! Brittani knows what I mean


Love love love
xoxox